Strange Times

Today, I feel like I am in strange times. I am watching how professionally I am improving however, in my personal life, things dont always seem to be going well at all.

It is a very hard thing for me to do. I am trying hard to be positive but I just dont know how to make it go well in both my personal and professional life at the same time. I am struggling so hard. At least with things going well in my professional life, I am staving off the darkness.




I am No one

I have lost all my support.. I am alone and no one to support. Am in a bad situation and I dont know what to do. Trying to crowd fund to get out of this bad situation but no one looks at my page.. I am a no one asking for help to be ok… But no one cares because im no one.. the picture is the face of no one

The darkness is closing in

I am struggling. With all the crap going on with my family its getting harder to smile. I am trying to keep my smile but at the same time it is very hard… I am trying to keep it together knowing that my family wont change and unless some people take pity on me and donate money so that I can get out of hell but praying is not helping. I am getting tired. Even had to start taking my sleeping pills again so I can get some sleep… the darkness is closing in


Living with family should be a nice thing. But when the relationships are toxic there will always be one person who gets the worst of it. For me that is me.

I live with a narcasist who starts fights for no reason and causes problems beyond belief. This person is the reason that I do not ever ask her what she has said to others because I will never get the truth, I will get their truth but not the real truth. This person says they understand and support you and then goes behind your back and bitches about you. Even using phrases such as “what are you, your only a _____ you dont know anything”.

I also live with a family member who calls me really nasty names and treats me like I dont even exsist. When I have tried to bridge the gapall I get is anger, frustration and rudeness.

I am honestly worried about my own wellbeing there. I am stressed all the time and when I have to be at home now I close myself off from everyone to make sure that no one can hurt me. I am worried that if I dont get money to move soon I will start falling into a depressive episode like I have not seen for a long while. If you can help me even get 1/2 the money I can get a place to live without them and support myself.

If you can help me please, I am at my wits end.

Feeling stupid once again

So once again my inability to read peoples intentions has bit me in the ass. There was this cute guy I thought was flirting with me but clearly he was not and he pulled me aside and told me he was in love with someone he worked with. Now aside from the fact that made me feel stupid. It also does not make me feel good about myself because the person he is in love with is a beautiful and skinny person and I am neither of those things. Always feeling stupid.

Autism – Semi Result

So everyone, I have managed to get a partial result from my autism assessment. Clinically the person who did the assessment said that she believes that I am autistic. She has also said that because I had no early childhood information that she cant be conclusive. I have now finally admitted to my family that I have been going through the process and my mother is being the oh woah is me and lying about how she feels. They have decided to give some factual evidence on my behalf but I am worried because my family is not close and there are things in the back ground that I cant discuss..I think my mum will try and sabotage the informant information so I am going to try and get my written medical notes so that I can submit them as well… I am really struggling with this.