From the point of view of me

I have to make some comments here and it is from my point of view only.

Why is there not more help for people like myself who have disabilities but still want to be productive members of society.

I want to go to work. I want to pay my taxes. I want to have a career. But there is no support out there for me. I have survived abuse, neglect, hate, death, and many other things but still there is no support for me.

People look at me and think that she dont need us, or that she is a scrounger. I am not. My disability benefit that got taken awayt from me unfairly was helping me survive. I was trying so hard to make sure that I could get in4to work every day and they just ignored the fact that I needed help and took it away.

The government have benefits that they are trying to get people off of and get them back into work. The benefit that I had was helping me stay in work. What did they want from me.? to stay unemp[loyed.

I also found out that because of myt job there are grants for people with disabilities which I am not eligable for because of my job. How fair is that?

I asked for people to help me gain the money I needed for dyslexia equuptment but only two people donated.

I am just a forgotten person that no one cares about.

I am attaching my GofundMe page incase anyone out there wants to help. https://www.gofundme.com/dyslexic-equiptement-for-education

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Living with disabilities

Firstly I want to say, today is a joyous occasion because Prince Harry and Meghan Merkle got married. To the happy couple I would like to say Congratulations and I hope you have a wonderful life together.

I had to get the happy stuff out of the way before I went onto what this blog is about.

I am a 31 year old Autistic, Dyslexic who has Depression and Muscularskeletal issues and live in one of the most expensive cities in the United Kingdom. Life for me is by no means a walk in the park.

I wake up every morning absolutely sore and in pain every day of my life. There has maybe been 3 days in the last 3 years where I have not woken up in pain. I have to take many medications some of which I have to take so that the others do not have an adverse reaction on me and cause me to have a stroke. Just walking to the bus stop in the morning causes me pain and if there is a wall that is high enough for me to sit on easily and get up easily from afterwards I have to use it.

I have had to suffer from abuse on the bus because my disabilities are what’s called a hidden disability and not obvious by the fact of crutches or a wheel chair. I have been called a “fat lazy bitch”, a “hypercondriac” and told that “I should put down the chrisps and get my fucking lazy ass to the gym”.  Can you imagine what that is like to hear every day just because I have asked an able bodied person to give up a priority seat so that I can sit down. There have been times that I have just wanted to cry myself to sleep at night wondering what is going to happen.

At work I have to have a Personal Evacuation plan because I cant walk down loads of steps safely. It is a major health and safety hazard. I have had to get a special chair ordered for me so that I am not always having to readjust the way I am sitting.

At home I have to have things that aid me in cooking and even going to the bathroom.

With all the things that are going on including the abuse I get on public transpportation I often find that I am struggling mentally. I find it hard to even get up and go into having a shower every day. I maybe shower once or twice a week. It can be so hard to remain positive when everything is so messed up with my own body. I am often thinking “at 31 this should not be my life”.

With my dyslexia I have to have special software at work which I only wish I had for when I am at home. That way when I am doing things like writing blogs I would be able to listen to the words that I am typing and pick up any errors I make. But this is so expensive.

I am trying to figure out how to survive all that goes on in my body and I have no help. Even worse, my benefits were stopped and that was helping me be able to stay in work 5 days a week. Since then I have had to take out credit cards and over drafts. I have had to take a woke given loan so that I could try and pau off some of the bills I acrued and now loose £500 of my salary every month just to pay it off. This is not the life I wanted to have. but I am stuck. There is no one to help me. I have had a GoFundMe Page to help at least with getting dyslexia equiptment and only two people have donated. No one cares to help someone who has had the world collapse around her.

Life with multiple disabilities is hard. Hopefully on Monday when I goto court to get the money back that was unjustly taken I will suceed.

If anyone feels like they want to help (no pressure) https://www.gofundme.com/dyslexic-equiptement-for-education

 

Surviving

This word means a lot to me when I am having a good day that is. It signals that I am still standing even though I have gone through and am going through hell!

So to help me be strong I will tell you what I survived.

As a child I survive physical abuse from my family. I survived sexual abuse from the children of friends of the family who were in their teens. I was an undiagnosed dyslexic and autistic child which contributed to no friends and poor educatiom.

As an adult I survived an attempted rape. Various situations which I can put down to once again not understanding people and undiagnosed autism. And now am surviving emotional abuse from family once again.

I have chosen not to use the word victim because that denotes shame but I have nothing to be ashamed off. i have been let down and by people who should love and protect me… I will nolonger be ashamed!

Dyslexia – Need Help

I know that I have been trying to get people to donate to #GoFundMe pages for a while and I always say I am giving up well this time I am at my wits end and I need your help.

So Screw the need to get out of an abusive living situation, or wanting to help others. I NEED HELP!

Diagnosed as dyslexic at the age of 16 was too late. I get almost no help. My work have finally gotten me some equiptment to help me at work however I am studying as well trying to make up for the lack of education I got and I need the equiptment for my home computer. Currently I have to use my work computer for everything which is not nice because I never get to be free from work, even when I am meant to be on a study day. This means in essence I am working 7 days a week all because I dont have the software I need at home to do things like com plete assignments,.

Please help if you can https://www.gofundme.com/dyslexic-equiptement-for-education

 

In Music We Trust

I have been very fortunate to meet someone on Twitter who deals with his own mental health issues. He was diagnosed with Depression and speaks openly about it via social media to help other. His name is Aiden Hatfield and not only does he openly talk about his mental health issues, he also has a clothing brand called In Music We Trust where 50% of the profits goes to the Mental Health Charity MIND.

This is something that to me is amazing as he not only talks the talk but he walks the walk.  If you are interested in his story or his brand please find him on Twitter and goto http://inmusicwetrust.co.uk/

Truely amazing to see someone not be ashamed of their mental health problems as well as trying to make the  world a nicer place.

Can Anyone Help #FindCorrie

Normally I blog about how I love to show my appreciation to the armed forces but not this time. Dont worry, I have not done a complete 180. I am appealling for anyone who may be able to help.
Sept 24 2016 Corrie, a senior Aircraft Man within the RAF went missing. There has been no sign of him since. This brave member of the British Armed Forces needs to be returned to his family and friends. He was last seen on the 24th September 2016 at 03:25  in Brentgoval Street, Bury St Edmunds.

Please, if you know where he is, dead or alive, or if you know something, contact the police and give the information. We all grieved at the death of Lee Rigby but there was something for us to grieve over. If Corrie has been taken from this earth, let his family grieve and let them have him home. If Corrie is alive please let them have him home x

To his family, my prayers are with you always as well as with Corrie where ever he may be.

I am not

I am not someone you pay attention to

I am not someone you give a second glance to

I am not someone you would rush to help

I am not someone who puts herself first

I am not someone who would turn you away

I am not someone who would run and hide

I AM someone who tries to make you smile

I AM someone who is that shoulder you need to cry on

I AM someone you can always rely on

I AM that comfort you need in the dark

I AM happy to be the one you run to

I AM someone who will give you a reason to continue

But where is that person to make me smile?

Where is that shoulder for me to cry on?

Where is that person I can rely on?

Where is that comfort when im in the dark?

Where is that person to give me a reason to continue?

The truth i that that person for me, does not exsist. I have to make myself smile, I have to cry to myself, I have to rely on myself, I have to comfort myself in the dark and I have to give myself a reason to continue… but why is that?

Because I am not someone that anyone pays attention to.

I AM noone

I AM a shadow in the dark

I AM the thing behind the curtain that no one see or cares to look