To the Fallen

Here is a link to Police Officers killed in the line of duty from the NYPD. I would like to say #ThankYouForYourService #ThankYouForYourSacrifice

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_New_York_Police_Department_officers_killed_in_the_line_of_duty

 

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Social Housing Disaster

I have lived in Social Housing my entire life. My parents were in Social Housing all of my life and now at 31 nearly 32 I have been trying to get onto the Housing Register and am being told im ineligable for it. Having never lived anywhere else in my life and unable due to health to just get any old place in London I am disbarred from the register because I have only ever been down as an “Occupant” to my parents tenancy. This is a disgrace when someone who is in need of housing is unable to get some. Honestly I wonder whether or not councils would prefer people wound up on the streets. This is a sad state of affairs.

For medical reasons my flat is not suitable for me due to its size and on the other side of it there are things that go on that I am unable to prove because of the nature of it. This means that I get punished.. What on earth is the country going to if they cant protect the people who need protection.

A letter to God

Dear God,

I send this letter to you to ask you a few things. In your Holy Bible under 1 Corinthians 10:13 it says “He will not suffer you to be tempted beyond that which ye are able to bear, but with the temptation will also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”. Lord I ask you, why you expect so much of me. At times I feel you ask too much of me and expect more then I can give. I am human and as such I am falible.

Do not get me wrong Lord, I am glad to be alive, but what a life you have made for me. I was born autistic in an era where autism in girls was under diagnosed. I have therefore spent my life struggling to understand social situations. I have never had any friends and the few people in my life who I have deemed friends ended up leaving me. Now as an adult I have to rely on a diagnosis which cant be completely confirmed because I am unable to provide early years information as I do not trust those who would be able to give it.

I, not only born autistic but dyslexic as well. I struggled through school with no one understanding me and brushing off my concerns as “I am not trying hard enough”. Lord I tried so hard that at time I wanted to cry myself to sleep. Why did you wait 16 years to put me on the path of support. Why could someone not come into my life sooner to help me?

As a child Lord I suffered with emotional abuse and physcial abuse from the family I was born into and no one helped me. Infact I was surrounded by people who blatenly ignored what was going on both at home and at school. Lord I was also a victimn of sexual abuse. Do you not think you expect too much from a 7 year old who is being assulted by people who she is supposed to trust? Once again no one helped me and the one person who knew what was happening did nothing at all to stop it. They infact made it even worse Lord.

I have been messed up my entire life with no idea of how to cope and survive Lord and honestly I do not understand what my role in life is supposed to be. I try and do good and make other people feel good but in this world where nothing really makes sense to me, what good am I really doing? Lord what is my purpose? What is my right path? What have all these things that I have struggled with my entire life lead to? Sometimes I wonder if I am just an experiment to see how much one person can be put through before they irrevicably break. Is that my whole reason for living? is that what you have deemed my life to be worth?

Lord I will never be someone who makes it big on the Big Screen. I wont win at the Olympics. I wont be a war hero or have amazing children who invent something life changing but Lord Why am I here?

Forever yours  your daughter

SF

From the point of view of me

I have to make some comments here and it is from my point of view only.

Why is there not more help for people like myself who have disabilities but still want to be productive members of society.

I want to go to work. I want to pay my taxes. I want to have a career. But there is no support out there for me. I have survived abuse, neglect, hate, death, and many other things but still there is no support for me.

People look at me and think that she dont need us, or that she is a scrounger. I am not. My disability benefit that got taken awayt from me unfairly was helping me survive. I was trying so hard to make sure that I could get in4to work every day and they just ignored the fact that I needed help and took it away.

The government have benefits that they are trying to get people off of and get them back into work. The benefit that I had was helping me stay in work. What did they want from me.? to stay unemp[loyed.

I also found out that because of myt job there are grants for people with disabilities which I am not eligable for because of my job. How fair is that?

I asked for people to help me gain the money I needed for dyslexia equuptment but only two people donated.

I am just a forgotten person that no one cares about.

I am attaching my GofundMe page incase anyone out there wants to help. https://www.gofundme.com/dyslexic-equiptement-for-education

Living with disabilities

Firstly I want to say, today is a joyous occasion because Prince Harry and Meghan Merkle got married. To the happy couple I would like to say Congratulations and I hope you have a wonderful life together.

I had to get the happy stuff out of the way before I went onto what this blog is about.

I am a 31 year old Autistic, Dyslexic who has Depression and Muscularskeletal issues and live in one of the most expensive cities in the United Kingdom. Life for me is by no means a walk in the park.

I wake up every morning absolutely sore and in pain every day of my life. There has maybe been 3 days in the last 3 years where I have not woken up in pain. I have to take many medications some of which I have to take so that the others do not have an adverse reaction on me and cause me to have a stroke. Just walking to the bus stop in the morning causes me pain and if there is a wall that is high enough for me to sit on easily and get up easily from afterwards I have to use it.

I have had to suffer from abuse on the bus because my disabilities are what’s called a hidden disability and not obvious by the fact of crutches or a wheel chair. I have been called a “fat lazy bitch”, a “hypercondriac” and told that “I should put down the chrisps and get my fucking lazy ass to the gym”.  Can you imagine what that is like to hear every day just because I have asked an able bodied person to give up a priority seat so that I can sit down. There have been times that I have just wanted to cry myself to sleep at night wondering what is going to happen.

At work I have to have a Personal Evacuation plan because I cant walk down loads of steps safely. It is a major health and safety hazard. I have had to get a special chair ordered for me so that I am not always having to readjust the way I am sitting.

At home I have to have things that aid me in cooking and even going to the bathroom.

With all the things that are going on including the abuse I get on public transpportation I often find that I am struggling mentally. I find it hard to even get up and go into having a shower every day. I maybe shower once or twice a week. It can be so hard to remain positive when everything is so messed up with my own body. I am often thinking “at 31 this should not be my life”.

With my dyslexia I have to have special software at work which I only wish I had for when I am at home. That way when I am doing things like writing blogs I would be able to listen to the words that I am typing and pick up any errors I make. But this is so expensive.

I am trying to figure out how to survive all that goes on in my body and I have no help. Even worse, my benefits were stopped and that was helping me be able to stay in work 5 days a week. Since then I have had to take out credit cards and over drafts. I have had to take a woke given loan so that I could try and pau off some of the bills I acrued and now loose £500 of my salary every month just to pay it off. This is not the life I wanted to have. but I am stuck. There is no one to help me. I have had a GoFundMe Page to help at least with getting dyslexia equiptment and only two people have donated. No one cares to help someone who has had the world collapse around her.

Life with multiple disabilities is hard. Hopefully on Monday when I goto court to get the money back that was unjustly taken I will suceed.

If anyone feels like they want to help (no pressure) https://www.gofundme.com/dyslexic-equiptement-for-education

 

Surviving

This word means a lot to me when I am having a good day that is. It signals that I am still standing even though I have gone through and am going through hell!

So to help me be strong I will tell you what I survived.

As a child I survive physical abuse from my family. I survived sexual abuse from the children of friends of the family who were in their teens. I was an undiagnosed dyslexic and autistic child which contributed to no friends and poor educatiom.

As an adult I survived an attempted rape. Various situations which I can put down to once again not understanding people and undiagnosed autism. And now am surviving emotional abuse from family once again.

I have chosen not to use the word victim because that denotes shame but I have nothing to be ashamed off. i have been let down and by people who should love and protect me… I will nolonger be ashamed!

Dyslexia – Need Help

I know that I have been trying to get people to donate to #GoFundMe pages for a while and I always say I am giving up well this time I am at my wits end and I need your help.

So Screw the need to get out of an abusive living situation, or wanting to help others. I NEED HELP!

Diagnosed as dyslexic at the age of 16 was too late. I get almost no help. My work have finally gotten me some equiptment to help me at work however I am studying as well trying to make up for the lack of education I got and I need the equiptment for my home computer. Currently I have to use my work computer for everything which is not nice because I never get to be free from work, even when I am meant to be on a study day. This means in essence I am working 7 days a week all because I dont have the software I need at home to do things like com plete assignments,.

Please help if you can https://www.gofundme.com/dyslexic-equiptement-for-education